Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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