I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm way too hungover for life right now
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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