It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
