I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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