Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
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Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You have to summon your inner elephant
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how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
She has the best kind of daddy issues
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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