Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I use my feet as sexual weapons
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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