Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
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