I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
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Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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