and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
