But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
