the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Randomize
