Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
