Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
