we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
