Michael Bay diarrhea
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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