I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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