The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize