he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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