I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
