Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I want a musical about memes.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
