Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
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