There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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