I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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