Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
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