I have demons in me.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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