i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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