I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
