He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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