i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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