if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
