Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
