i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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