genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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