White coat. Heels.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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