What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
