he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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