just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Randomize
