I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
