I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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