I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
