dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
