so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
