i don't like sucking hair
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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