I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
