I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
