It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
