Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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