They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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