The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Jerry, you need to find god
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
