My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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