i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
