the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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