Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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