so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
