strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
