My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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