My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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