these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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