Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
