I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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