I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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