when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i think i scared a bird with my dick
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
