I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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