All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize