The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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