If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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