Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.