oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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