Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
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will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
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I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened