Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?