I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.