I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
The air was thick with penises
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you