just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night