i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
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Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
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I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants