She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
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Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
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This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?