I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
