you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
