Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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