I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
