U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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