You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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