Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
