One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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