i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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