I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
