what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
